Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
