they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
