I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
