Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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