Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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