You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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