i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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