what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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