I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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