I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
