yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
