OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
