Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
