it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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