Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
