bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
