I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
