I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
