Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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