i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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