I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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