If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
