Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
