I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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