I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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