someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
do herpes really smell.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sobbing to NWA
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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