Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
