I seem to have left my pride at pride
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
