meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just cropdusted the office
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
