I wish I could teleport
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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