I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
