he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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