I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
