What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
