I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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