then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
