apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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