ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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