thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
