my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
