I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
