And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
