You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
