Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
