My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
