I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
