You're my little dorito
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
