He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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