trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
