I just pynch a tree in the face
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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