You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
