If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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