"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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