You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
